Friday, September 21, 2012

Non-Punditically Correct Non-Political Commentary

With the upcoming elections we hear more and more about political pundits. They are supposed to be experts and authorities on political matters. I am anything but a political pundit. As a matter of fact I'm pretty much an authority on nothing. Nothing that matters much anyway. But I do like to make comments now and then and my desire to do so is what motivated me to create JD's Blahs. So what follows is my two cents worth, so to speak, on things that have been on my mind lately.

On my walk today I observed three ducks standing on a concrete pipe that extended from the shore into a lake. One male, obviously a mallard with his greenish/bluish neck and head and the other two feathered with the speckled brown and gray coloring of females. The male and one female had bright orange webbed feet. The other female had brown webbed feet. So does that mean one was a different species? Or was she a mudder? I don't know. Just curious. 

Who thinks Romney stepped in it with his "47 percent" comments? Who doesn't? Now he says he did not speak "elegantly" in his response to a question. I think I know what he was doing. It's easy to picture any politician making his remarks to a $50,000 a plate group of supporters just a little juicier than the banquet mystery meat they were chewing on. People who fork over that much for the chance to rub elbows with a presidential candidate deserve more than a few token stump speeches. Unfortunately for Mitt, it just came out sounding like he was an elitist. Probably got a lot of affirmative nods from the wealthy crowd, too. And speaking of affirmative nods, do you think there were any plate-paying guests in attendance that had not made up their minds who they were going to vote for? (Possible exception being whoever recorded the video). Haven't we all made up our minds already? Who could possibly be on the fence? I don't mean the choice is obvious. We've all got our favorite and yours may not be the same as mine. That's democracy and that's a good thing! But it just seems to me that anybody who is really still on the fence by this time is decision-challenged.  

TV Ads
My wife and I have solved the problem of negative political ads. We just make extensive use of the mute button on the remote. At first we tried switching channels but more often than not we'd end up catching similar ads on the other channels. Now we just mute them out. Either party, makes no difference. Now we're including the lawyer ads too. We don't want to hear who we should call if we're "wrongfully injured" and not really sure but don't care what the difference is between that and "rightfully injured."

Fond Memories
Easter afternoon 1960. Two phrases stand out. Policeman # 1: "Oh really, you're the minister's son? Well, just hop in the back of our squad car and we'll take a little ride to the Reverend's house, OK?"  Older brother upon my squad car arrival at the Reverend's house with the blue and red roof lights flashing: "Oh, brother, you've really gone and done it this time, haven't you?"  This rhetorical question issued with a big xxxx-eating grin. 

Inanimate Objects
Am I the only one that talks to inanimate objects? Like cursing at my glasses when I misplace them?  Blaming the salt shaker if the salt comes out faster than I expected? Kicking the step that obviously jumped out and tripped me? I wonder if they have inanimate object anger management classes? Even if there is such a thing it probably wouldn't cure me of commending the throw away razor for doing a good job as I toss it into the trash. I could go on but I think I'm embarrassing my keyboard.

Trashy Business
We have a community dumpster. We put our neatly bagged trash into the community dumpster. The device serves the dual purpose of not only a dumpster but also as a compactor. So when you open the 4' x 4' sliding metal door to put your trash bags inside, you slide it closed and the compactor does it's thing with grinding and squealing sounds ending with a thud that signals it has completed the cycle of swallowing the trash and scrunching it all up together in a much smaller (ie. compacted) blob from the individual deposits of you and your neighbors. It's really an amazing technological wonder! So why don't all of our neighbors put their freakin' trash INSIDE this wondrous machine? And who are the lazy dopes that stack mattresses and furniture outside the dumpster instead of taking them to the dump? Every time I see these offenses to our posted community guidelines I ask myself, "Ok, I wonder who this jerk is voting for? Can't be the same one I'm voting for!!"

We did not renew our season tickets for the Bucs this year. We were season ticket holders for twenty years with seats in the North end zone, both at the old "Sombrero" and at Raymond James stadium. It took some getting used to but after a while we really enjoyed the end zone perspective. And we liked being close to the field, about 15 rows up. Admittedly, the Bucs have been pretty stingy with their success over most of those twenty years but they gave us one Super Bowl and a few playoffs ten years ago. But the biggest disappointment is the change in the crowd demeanor. I like standing in order to see an exciting play. But I don't like having to stand after every play because the nimrod in front of me thinks it's cool to stand up for every down. I enjoy a beer or two, especially on a hot sunny game day but I don't much care for keeping company with sloppy drunks. And it was always fun to swap polite barbs with opposing fans sitting in the vicinity but always with courtesy and a smile. The last few years that's changed to scathing and hateful taunts and threats.I'm talking about the Bucs fans, not the visitors. I bet these morons don't put their trash inside the dumpster either.

Great invention. Chap stick, lip balm, Chap aid, whatever you want to call it. Like a tube of lipstick with the little twisty nob at the bottom to push the balm gunk or whatever you call it out of the tube. Not as sophisticated as the dumpster/compactor, but a pretty neat little device just the same. I use it more for my nostrils than my lips. Maybe because I like the camphor aroma. Smells clean. And keeps my nostrils from chapping. I'm just saying. 

Politics II
And another thing. I don't like it when politicians say, "the American people want... or...the American people don't want...or...the American people need..."  I don't like statements that begin this way because I am an American people. I never told xyz politician what I did or didn't want and I certainly never told him or her what I needed.  What I want and don't want and what I need these presumptive blockheads to do is just do their job and represent their constituents the best they can with their own decisions. They can't please every last one of us with whatever they legislate so just do the damn job and stop hiding behind the blanket claim that they are doing what the American people want them to do. If they guess right, we American people will vote for them. Guess wrong and hop on the bus, Gus.